Oh, Emotional Me
So, today, I picked up the bag of Ava’s clothes that she was wearing when we received her. They have been laying on the Iaundry room floor for two months. Just waiting for me to wash them to be stored away in Ava’s keepsakes. I untied the plastic, Chinese Wal-mart bag. I pulled out each article of clothing. Her two pairs of split pants. Her three shirts. The sweaty socks. The layers of clothing that were beneath, are well worn. They even have some hand sewn stitches in them from being well worn and to continue their use. Things are not just thrown out in China as we would here. I am sure other babies have worn these clothes. They have probably been shared and passed down. If only those little clothes could talk.
As I pulled out each article, my memories of seeing her for the first time came flooding back. My memories of taking each layer of clothing off to reveal this new little member of our family. To see her live and in the flesh for the first time. It was her feet I revealed first. Those sweaty little feet. I peeled off those socks to reveal those sweet baby toes. Oooohhh, my chest feels full as I fight back the tears. I could not wash those clothes! I felt as if I would be washing away China from her. I want to give these to her in 10 years and say they are as they were the day we got you! She has so little of China and my heart aches for the missing pieces. I wish she could tell me all about her time in China. Her foster family, the orphanage, when she had her heart surgery alone in a hospital with no Momma there for her. This little girl holds a history and story to never be known or told. I guess that can be good and bad. If I ache for it, I just hope she will be able to work through her aches when she is older. We just love this little girl so much it hurts!
I will cry with you if you like. This was so beautifully said from your heart. Maybe Ava will read this one day.
Ok….the tears are flowing from my eyes. I completely understand. I just wish we could all send their birth mammas a note letting them know that each and everyone are sooooo loved.